This is a personal story that has multiple pieces. I will do what I can do keep the story in perspective and orderly. Further, the events that I plan on discussing are not meant to place blame, nor a sense of additional grief for my family.
The Department of Psychiatry and the Behavioral Sciences at Keck School of Medicine, University of Southern California articulates that (at least) 1 in 6 boys have been sexually abused by the age of 18 (Elliott, B., 2003). This is a startling number because it is believed to be low. Additionally, I am providing examples of the research that has been conducted to highlight the realities of sexual abuse.
- A 2005 study conducted by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control, on San Diego Kaiser Permanente HMO members, reported that 16% of males were sexually abused by the age of 18.1
- A 2003 national study of U.S. adults reported that 14.2% of men were sexually abused before the age of 18.2
- A 1998 study reviewing research on male childhood sexual abuse concluded that the problems is “common, under-reported, under-recognized, and under-treated.”3
- A 1996 study of male university students in the Boston area reported that 18% of men were sexually abused before the age of 16.4
- A 1990 national study of U.S. adults reported that 16% of men were sexually abused before the age of 18. 5
(1in6, n.d.).
With the recent suicide of singer, Chester Bennington; there is hope that his death will not be ignored and that more people will start to speak up about childhood sexual abuse. In the opinion piece from CNN.com (July 22, 2017), Joan Cook articulates the reasons why more males do not come forward and speak up about their abuse. Joan goes on to say “They are taught to be tough, fearless and to deny their own vulnerability. They are told to never cry or experience sadness, and that they should always welcome sexual activity. They feel tarnished in terms of their maleness — powerless, out of control and low in confidence” (Cook, J. 2017). Men are taught to be strong and have power over their feelings.
I have a been a fan of Linkin Park for years, but I never put the reasons why I liked the band until I read that Chester was a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. Now, the music is haunting to my soul. ‘In The End’ shakes me to my core as I understand and connect with this from a deep, personal standpoint. This has always been a favorite, but I know understand the vision of the fighting for another day. ‘Waiting for the End’ is another haunting song – “This is not what I had planned; it is out of my control”. The evils of childhood sexual abuse are profound, life changing, and omnipresent. “Trade this life for something new”. This phrase alone has been a thought of mine for decades.
You see, the long and short of this post is to admit that I can no longer remain silent about childhood sexual abuse. When I was around the age of 9 or 10, my abuse started. The abuse lasted for many years (although, it was with different people) and finally came to an end around 18. My revelations about the abuse happened with a flash of lightning about two years ago. Frankly, I had repressed the start of my abuse for nearly 30 years. The vision of the violations was in vivid UltraHD and was profound. I immediately went into counseling where I have been receiving help for the past two years.
The purpose of this post is not to simply relive the past but to acknowledge the past, continue growing from it, and understand what my life has taught me. I also can no longer sit on the sideline and be silent about the past as the reality is that this is what made me, me. My goal in moving forward with my thoughts will be to provide insight from an incredible personal point of view while providing a resource for others to attempt to understand.
From ‘Dear Evan Hansen’, “Words Fail” provides one of the strongest voices for me and my desire to “walk in the sun”. ‘No one get’s to look at him.. because I have learned to slam on the breaks.. before I lead with the worst of me. I never let them see the worst of me”.
No slamming on the breaks from here as the worst of me is out now.
References
1in6 | The 1 in 6 Statistic. 1in6.org. Retrieved 24 July 2017, from http://1in6.org/get-information/the-1-in-6-statistic/
Cook, J. (2017). Help male sex abuse victims to speak up. CNN. Retrieved 24 July 2017, from http://www.cnn.com/2017/07/22/opinions/chester-bennington-sex-abuse-opinion-cook/index.html
Elliott, B. (2003). Prevalence and psychological sequelae of self-reported childhood physical and sexual abuse in a general population sample of men and women. – PubMed – NCBI. Ncbi.nlm.nih.gov. Retrieved 24 July 2017, from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/14602100
